No Captain
by kiwiOCD
Summary: Post Season 802 'XX'. Spoilers. No Longer a two shot. Now Complete.
1. Chapter 1

She is late getting to the office for her third day as Captain of the Twelfth as she needed to go to hospital for proper stitches on her wound. Of course it is really her first full day on the job since she spent the better part of the first two days on the run, fighting for her life.

So she's late.

And her outfit is a little creased from where she had thrown it into the bag last night.

The coffee in her hand tastes terrible, and worse, is now cold.

Entering the homicide floor, she nods and acknowledges a number of officers. His words of just last night hollow in her head and heart.

Her former partners are there. Espo at her old desk. Beside him an empty space. Rick's chair no longer in its familiar place. The sting bites worse than the throb from the local on her stomach for her new stitches.

The greeting she gets from Ryan and Esposito is flat, and her one hope for some solace and support this morning is vanquished already.

Do they know? So soon? She hadn't expected it to remain a secret. But it is less than twenty-four hours.

Deciding not to address them, she gives a slight shake to her head and she makes a beeline for her office and sanctuary. And the paperwork.

Turns out their looks were about something else.

* * *

Deputy Chief Gates is sat back in her former chair.

Waiting for her replacement.

"Captain Beckett. How nice of you to actually turn up to manage your precinct."

"Deputy Chief…"

"Sit. I am not done yet." So she sits. On Rick's chair relocated from its previous resting spot.

"You are officially on sick leave. One week."

"But Sir." She cannot help the wince even as she stands to protest. The fresh stitches another testament to her latest battles, but at least the scar will fade. Other wounds may never heal.

"No buts. You were shot Beckett. The medics recommend a week's convalescence along with the 2 remaining outpatient visits. Don't look so surprised, there is procedure for this. Everything gets reported. Eventually."

"Yes Sir." She grits out in acceptance.

"Whilst you are absent Yancy will come across to manage the Precinct."

"Sir." Nothing more she can say to the prospect of one of her immediate rivals being given command of her precinct.

"Well I wish I could say I am surprised Kate."

"You are throwing it all away again. Another headlong rush into a case where you lose perspective and your judgement is faulty."

"Sir…I" The glare silences her.

"Whilst you are on sick leave I want you to consider your position very carefully.

"Whatever this is about, it has cost the lives of multiple federal agents. Your own precinct shot up, fellow officers, members of your team, injured by an assassin. The press is all over this. Not least because of your aborted TV interview that you used to lure the killers out. The butcher's bill is at least seven dead federal agents, not to mention an unknown number of assassins, the exact number we'll never know as some of the bodies have conveniently disappeared. For once the press screaming cover up and conspiracy isn't one of Mister Castle far fetched ideas.

"What were you thinking?"

"No, don't answer that. I do not want to know. I will not accept any explanation for the gross dereliction of duty and misjudgement you have displayed.

"Just be grateful that with the glare of publicity and your apparent heroism…well it has temporarily put a bar on any disciplinary action."

Beckett starts at that. She instinctively choose the right thing. And they want to penalize her? More than she was already punishing herself.

"You were supposed to be a NYPD Captain. And you are meant to have acted like one. You should have called it in. Rallied your teams and called for backup. You do not go on the run, flee crime scenes, strong arm innocents so you can improvise first aid for a gunshot wound. All on your first day. You never even reported in."

"Kate, you made me look a fool. I assured them that you could be trusted. That you were ready. I recommended you."

"You have made some astoundingly bad choices."

She can only nod.

"When return you will be on probation. And subject to additional supervision and support beyond the usual offered to new captains. In meantime, take the time off and work out what it really you want Kate."

Gates rises and heads for the office door.

"This wasn't the way I wanted to come back to the Twelfth. Now go spend time with your husband."

If only she could.

* * *

"Hi Dad."

"Katie?"

"Can I come in?"

He takes one look at the bag in her hand, and then her face before ushering her inside. "Why aren't you with Rick?"

"I can't."

"Oh what have you done Katie?"

"I don't know."

He lets her stay.

* * *

The week passes interminably.

After the third night she checks in to a hotel. Her father's quiet disappointment too much to bear.

The wound in her side heals slowly. Her new badge mocking her from the bedside table.

Everyone that matters finds out what she had done.

Their silence hurts but not the most.

She doesn't hear from Rick at all.


	2. Chapter 2

Somehow word of her domestic status had spread like wildfire. Not surprising in light of the sudden and renewed press interest in them. Multiple law enforcement deaths, conspiracy, coverups, celebrity (minor) all good enough to draw the media on them. Her.

They had even shown up at her father's door. His impassioned defense of her, more fuel for the fire.

His family are unavailable. There is no comment from them or their representatives.

Fortunately they don't find her hotel and she gets to hide from their firsthand questions. Nothing she hasn't already asked herself.

* * *

She is not sure whether the days or the nights are worse.

She hasn't worked out what she is going to do.

Vikram - the stranger she choose to protect instead of her husband - calls once. From the 'safe' house the 'real' feds had secreted him away to. The initial conclusion is that the heat of publicity had forced their suspect – about whom they know nothing - to ground for a while.

At least she's not _gone_ gone.

Nothing is reassuring.

* * *

Her days are spent in pseudo solitude.

She is aware of the protective detail on her. Of course they are aware that she is not living at her home.

She spots Ryan one afternoon in the park. His instinctive, tentative half-wave evidence of the good man he is. She is glad it wasn't Espo. She's not sure she could survive his open judgement.

Only when she can be certain their eyes are no longer on her she lets go.

* * *

She doesn't have enough clothes.

She can't face shopping so she returns.

She wasn't even aware of the extra tension. Not on top of the near permanent twist that haunts her. Burns from her wound to her heart.

The greeting from the doorman was polite but measured. Everywhere she goes she feels judged. On trial.

Her key turns in the lock.

The place is dark.

No light.

No warmth.

No family.

Alexis had moved out (again) some time ago but was often there.

No Martha.

No Rick.

There is no note or message.

She is not sure whether she is relieved or disappointed.

* * *

All her things are as she left.

Nothing has moved.

Her tears burn as her sobs wrack her body her old and new wounds discordant and distracting.

In the end she takes just enough clothes and some toiletries.

She tried to leave a note.

But what can she say to make it better?

Make it right.

Undo her mistakes.

So she steals away.

* * *

The night before she goes back she finally accepts what she has broken.

There is only so far fierce independence and wanton self-belief can take you. Apparently she is brave enough to face down killers but not her husband.

She messages him seven times, calls him repeated but they are never answered , stayed brave enough to have left four voice messages. None are returned.

In her desperation she tries Martha.

Her call is picked up.

Nothing prepared her for the news.

* * *

Rick is in Virginia.

He has appointments at Langley.

He is investigating.

* * *

Nothing she has done has protected anyone.

Just the opposite.

* * *

She continues to call.

He never answers.

Not once.

She deserved every rejection.

Doesn't mean it hurts less.

* * *

Returning to work felt like defeat.

She wasn't sure she wanted to come back.

She longer feels confident but it seems like this is all that she has left just now.

Her family in blue.

She can be a Captain.

For now it is all she can allow herself.

Her phone rings.

"Beckett."


	3. Chapter 3

_12 days ago._

 _After Rita's phone call she tried to reach him. Turns out Rick had changed his cell number without telling her. She found his new one or rather Ryan did. Rick still didn't answer. After some, well actually considerable pleading both red heads had tried too. But neither Alexis nor Martha could make contact. So she did the only thing she could. She went after him._

 _Once again she had dropped everything and rushed off. This time to DC. On learning that he was investigating well she couldn't take the chance._

 _At the time she did not think through why Gates had been so accommodating with her rushed request for immediately unpaid leave._

 _Dropping any pretense of separation and frantically trying to locate and protect her husband before his loyalty and stubbornness got him killed trying to fix things that shouldn't be broken._

 _She tracked him down to a small hotel on the Beltway. Under one of his alias' he had for the PI business. Using characters from his Storm novels was pretty passé Rick. But he was not there, seeming having actually managed to make it inside Langley according to Ryan's trace of his phone. She was still waiting for him when he returned to his room that evening. She had persuaded the clerk to let his wife into the room to surprise him._

 _It was definitely a surprise for everyone._

 _"Kate?"_

 _"God Castle. What are you doing?" He was gone eleven hours and the frustration of waiting, of not knowing, of having no control had got to her._

 _"Trying to get my wife back. Or if not at least protect her."_

 _"By exposing yourself to danger!?"_

 _"You really don't get it do you Kate!? Did you simply spend too many years alone to ever break the habit of unthinking independence with no consideration for others?"_

 _"Castle."_

 _"I am pretty sure I have nothing else to say Kate. God this is so messed up."_

 _"At least tell me what you found? Please?"_

 _"Well isn't that just illuminating. No greeting. No kiss. No apology for ripping our marriage and my heart apart. Just more questions above evidence for your case. You know that is awfully familiar."_

 _"Rick."_

 _"No. You don't get it do you Kate? Partners. We were meant to be together. But you choose otherwise. And right now I don't have the time to deal with this. With you."_

 _"Rick?"_

 _"I have to go. I have a flight back to New York. Apparently I have a number of press engagements I need to attend as I need to promote my new book and also deal with fact that my wife left me is now public knowledge."_

 _"What?!"_

 _"Cops gossip. Press pick things up and then there are the pictures."_

 _"What pictures?"_

 _"You and that man!"_

 _"Rick."_

 _"Surprisingly enough Kate I trust you with that. I don't believe you are cheating on me."_

 _"Thank you."_

 _"You shouldn't because even though I know you are not cheating, you are destroying our marriage. Although I am not sure how I'll explain where my wife went. Or Why. Especially the last, as I don't understand that myself."_

 _"Rick." She wants to tell him. But here in DC, so close to Locksat, that act seems even more of a bad idea than before._

 _"Goodbye Kate."_

 _He pulls his compact roller from the wardrobe and moves towards the door._

 _"Oh and Beckett. For the record, I found out nothing. None of my contacts were forthcoming. Either they don't know or they aren't saying anything regardless, so same difference._

 _"It is all for nothing. And do you know how hollow that makes me feel?"_

He left her there. That was the last time she had spoken to or seen him in twelve days.

Alexis had simply excommunicated her after learning of her encounter with Rick in Washington and the fallout from the TV interviews and the 'candid' shots of her and Vikram leaving the motel broadcast and published with the humiliation for her father. Far worse than the viral book advert. No contact. Nothing.

Even Martha declined her calls.

Ryan and Esposito were under strict orders not to assist in any way or form. And for once they were following orders.

Lanie still took her calls but it was strained.

Rick changed his number again. She still tried calling. He still didn't answer.

* * *

Remaining behind in DC she eventually managed to get Martin Danberg, now a Deputy Director to meet her. But he made it clear only because of the work Castle and her did on the Pandora case. He had nothing to add and possesses such a game face he could lie about what day it was and she would never know.

After Danberg she gets exactly nowhere. Except if nothing else, she learns that being an ex-federal agent fired for leaking confidential information to the press, and a NYPD Captain on leave, opens absolutely no doors. Quite the contrary.

Still she is reluctant to head back to New York. To admit defeat.

But then Vikram drops off the radar too. Doesn't respond to calls to any of the burner phones, email or even his cover role. So she has to go back. Too much of a coward to admit to herself that she'll go for someone she barely knows and not her husband.

* * *

She is carrying her few belongings to the rental outside her motel.

"Hello Kate."

She gets her gun clear of her holster as she spins but the person is too close. Her gun goes flying landing with a clatter behind her. She considers her backup but halts as she recognises her surprise visitor.

It is Rita. Castle's Step-mother. Or at least that who the woman claims to be. Something she had never been able to verify. Not that she could anyway. But only recently has she started to rethink her approach, to ask the questions, before crashing headlong into something. Whether it is too late troubles pretty much every waking moment now.

"I told you how it was. How it would be."

"There is no sign of them. The leads just disappear. Not one lead to anything meaningful." Kate cannot hide her frustration.

"Nor will there ever be."

"What do you mean?"

"It has been taken care of."

"What!?"

"Kate." She really doesn't appreciate being talked down to, like an unruly child. "Did you really think the CIA, the government was going to let it all come out in public. Wash their dirty laundry in full view of the world. This isn't some TV show. They don't do light drama or comedy.

"Locksat was identified and detained a week ago. They were interrogated. And then well you can join the dots."

"It was for nothing? All of this? Everything I've lost. For nothing." _She feels sick._

"No Kate, you are the one who made it that. I tried to warn you."

"You played me!" There is not as much venom in there as she would have normally projected. Because she knows what comes next.

"Not as much as you played yourself." And she did. Sucker punched by her own demons. And Rita did warn her.

"I'll admit it was useful. You provided such a great distraction. Not so much down the rabbit hole as a hare for the chase. Locksat focused on you and whilst they were distracted we closed in, and got them.

"So I guess we owe you a thank you for the assist. For smoking them out."

"Doesn't sound like it. At least tell me. Who were they? Why did they do this?"

"Nope. You don't get to know Beckett."

"Not even gender, a name?"

"Nothing."

"No reason why?"

"This has taken a massive effort on the clean-up. Too many awkward questions being asked everywhere. In part no thanks to your and Richard Castle. That press conference."

 _She doesn't say husband. Or even partner._

"Yeah like how does a man in solitary get shanked? With every camera in a prison mysteriously disabled? How does an entire team of elite federal agents get taken out without a massive reaction both in the news and by law enforcement? How does an assistant AG get set up as a patsy and no one cares? Teams of armed mercs shooting it out in one of the most heavily policed cities in the world, and yet barely a mention?"

 _Oh Shit!_

"Are you only just realising that you were out of your league with this one Kate?"

"You know you are now considered a loose end. Some wanted to _clean_ _you up_ too. But ironically if Locksat never considered you a real threat, then, well the government or at least those agencies charged with national security don't either. So lucky you. And anyone else who may connect or possibly still care about you."

"But…"

"Beckett, the simple truth of the matter is that Locksat wanted Vikram. Not you. You were no threat to them. If you were they would have taken you out before you even knew there was a danger. Before you first cup of coffee for the day."

"No. That can't be right."

"They would have settled for Vikram. You only moved back on Locksat's radar because you went to Vikram's aid and gunned down his retrieval team."

"Fuck it."

"Quite apt really Kate," the gaze holds no pity, no emotion at all, "you really did fuck it up."

"So what do I do now?"

"Not my problem."

"What!?" She takes a breath, "Please Rita. I need help."

"Yes you do. But none forthcoming from me. You were warned. It this line of work, you only get one. If you are lucky. Same with most things in life really."

 _Shit! She really has to get back to New York now._

* * *

Author's Note

Turns out this is not complete. More to come.

UPDATE - Reviews are most welcome. Ranting is okay (I know I've felt like it) but it should be respectful and polite.


	4. Chapter 4

She is back before the four weeks of unpaid leave she had requested are up.

Back in the City ahead of schedule for her appointment with Deputy Chief Gates.

With pretty much nothing to show for it.

First she had dropped everything to chase Castle to DC and try and prevent him being mired in this.

She failed.

Again.

Then she spent the rest of the time trying to investigate in DC.

And failed.

Again.

Then she is told that it was all over.

And that she had failed.

Absolutely.

So here she is again, meeting with her former boss, although this time the meeting is in Gate's new office at One PP.

Not the Twelfth.

Not her precinct.

Not that it is anymore.

Probably never will be again.

Not since she choose to compound her issues with her request for a sudden leave of absence.

One that was accepted all too eagerly by the NYPD.

Never a good sign.

She had been warned.

Rita. Gates. Rick.

Her choices.

Alone.

All her choices.

So she's back in the City and the first place she goes is to see her employer (for now).

Not Rick. She dare not call him husband even in her head. Too afraid of the disappointment. Of the finality of one last failure. To be fair she had tried phoning him, Alexis, Martha and even the doorman's number. Only the last answered and still she had nothing. Eduardo had been the soul of courtesy but had not seen any of the family in days.

There wasn't time between her plane landing and her bought-forward appointment with the Deputy Chief to divert to the loft to try first hand.

So here she is waiting outside Gates' office like a naughty child.

"Come in Beckett. You can leave your luggage outside."

"Sir." She rises and follows her boss inside and takes the proffered seat as Gates closes the door.

"Thank you for agreeing to see me ahead of schedule."

"Beckett, quite frankly I am a little surprised to see you back here. Especially so soon."

"Sir?"

"Well you have hardly been a paragon recently in terms of fulfilling your duties and being where you are meant to be."

Her mouth straightens slightly as she bites into the inside of her lips and resolutely does not respond to the very direct observation and part taunt. How can she?

"I would ask where you have been but that really does not matter I think. Never-the-less is there anything you wish to disclose?"

Her lips stay pressed together. It is heady brew of a desire not to drag someone into this along with humiliation at finding nothing despite employing every skill she knew, every connection she had, and it wasn't enough. Except to make her doubt herself. She had nothing to justify why she was here.

"You are not going to tell me. Very well. I know enough to read between the lines."

Beckett shifts uncomfortably but Gates pushes ahead. "It is federal in nature. Most likely national security. It has ties to your former job with the Attorney General's office and the death of a number of their agents. A gather some of them were former team mates from your brief fling at being a Fed."

She pushes her glasses down and looks directly at Beckett as if gauging her.

"But you were no longer a federal agent, back in the employ of the NYPD with all the responsibilities and duties of a Precinct captain. So this – whatever it is – really didn't need your attention. But off you went. But your presence here, and your demeanour indicates that you didn't solve it. So what did it achieve?"

"Nothing." Squeezed out between gritted teeth. "Nothing."

"Actually you're wrong Beckett." _She is?_

"I've seen Mister Castle. He has continued to _assist_ on one occasion with an investigation with the Twelfth. But perhaps we will return to that in a bit. But I've seen him and I have fairly good idea what you have _achieved_ with your relationship with him."

Well that's one better than her. She hasn't seen him in weeks. Or heard from him.

She told herself that she was getting closer. Tried to make the implausible convincing. But she didn't and it wasn't. What few leads she had turned into dead ends. Turns out there is very limited authority for a stood-down NYPD captain especially in DC and the other cities her fruitless hunt took her. Especially where her own department has effectively disavowed her. And being sacked from a federal agency for breaching confidentially. Well that was a killer blow to her efforts.

Then there was Rick. She had wanted to call after watching him get torn apart on that late night show. Damn Paula for putting him in that position. Wait that's not exactly right. Damn her for the decisions resulting in him being there. Feeling the need to go on TV to explain the fact that his marriage of less than a year looks to the public, and quite probably those who know them better, to be over. Well shit that was one record she never expected to be at risk of beating. Lasting far less time than either Meredith or Gina. She's seemingly also failed at both 'one' and 'done' to add to ignominy.

Gates' voice brings her back to the moment. "Personal circumstances aside, I do have an update for you."

"Sir?"

"You will not be returning to the Twelfth."

There is no apology with that. Or much of an explanation. She doesn't even protest. Too tired, too beaten down, too lost to fight back.

"But there is a slight possibility of a path back. I will get to that in a minute."

 _Oh!_ She wants to feel relieved that there may be hope but she already knows that do not necessarily bode well for her.

"To be honest as this stage you are extremely fortunate to still be employed by the NYPD.

"You have a limited number of you people to thank for that. Your husband naturally. Obviously the man loves you beyond all reason. Why else would he pretty much burn any remaining credit and goodwill with the city administration and the NYPD to try and safeguard your continued employment? For the woman who seemingly has left him and has exposed him to public ridicule and possibly danger."

 _He what?_ "Sir?" Is all the question she can brave.

"He visited myself and the Chief of Detectives last week to plead your case. Very eloquently as it happens. The morning after he was ambushed on that talk show. Even so it was not enough to make the difference." _But he tried. For her?_

"But there was also a phone call placed direct to the Commissioner the day after that. Obviously from a government agency based on the instructions that came out from the Commissioner including some that directly related to you.

"Sir. How?"

"Beckett I am not at liberty to discuss those details, and as for Mister Castle that is clearly not my place. You need to speak to him for that information." If she can. Gates is silent so this line of discussion is clearly over for now.

"So what happens to me?"

"You are being assigned to a new inter-agency task force that will be handling coordination between multiple precinct and various agencies including Homeland and FBI relating to major events.

"You will keep you will keep your rank and pay for the moment, although this is subject to monthly performance checkpoints and a mandatory review in six months. This is not a kindness.

"Quite frankly the Twelfth is a mess Beckett. There was an accidental discharge of an officer's weapon and an injury resulted. Fortunately for all involved it was decided to lay the responsibility with the Precinct Captain and there will be no formal action against the officers involved."

 _Oh God. Could it get any worse?_

"Whatever else he was Roy Montgomery was a good captain, and I would like to think that despite the difference in styles my time there was no less productive. I will not even credit the few moments you have actually managed to spend in the precinct as being in charge.

"You abandoned you responsibilities, you people, your family, to go chasing ghosts. Outside of your jurisdiction and without any approval. This is not the movies or television, or I dare say Mister Castle's books. This is reality. You cannot act like that. Then you ask, actually demand is closer, four weeks leave, unpaid, and somehow expect us to accommodate you."

"Sir…"

"Beckett you have no idea how close you came to not being able to come back at all. Opinion is split. There is a significant minority in favour of sacking you. Similar numbers for demotion. Very few are inclined to be understanding at all. None are willing to be lenient or accept the reasons for your absence. I told you when I granted your temporary leave that there was likely no turning back. Well Kate you have run yourself into a dead end."

"I'll be honest. At the moment they cannot sack you because you are too high profile and then add in the gender issue. But there is a significant percentage of the administration that can and will make you continued employment by the NYPD as onerous as possible with the intention of getting you to resign. You could well end up in Special Services Division."

 _Well shit._ "So this temporary assignment will be followed by another and then another?"

"That is not certain. Perform well, and more importantly don't rock the boat, do not go off reservation, simply put do your job, and maybe there is a way back. But it will be long and not without risks."

"I could go back to being a detective?"

"Although some favored it, demotion is not an option. Makes us look stupid for promoting you in the first place." The clear implication that Gates already feels betrayed. Well she wouldn't be the only person Kate has disappointed.

"You can collect your badge and weapon from my assistant tomorrow, and report for duty next Monday."

"Sir." That gives her tomorrow and weekend to see what she can do to start making amends.

"That will be all Captain Beckett."

* * *

Author's note - thank you for reading and following this story. Reviews are most welcome but please keep it polite and respectful. Cheers


	5. Chapter 5

After leaving One PP she needs a place to stay.

She knows she's been down the rabbit hole but she's not so-self-absorbed that she can't recognize that the Loft is not an option at the moment. Sure she has a key but she doesn't feel entitled to be there even if there is no one present to judge her, she's entirely – and too late – self-judgmental.

More than anything she wants contact with Rick. To see him, touch him no matter how briefly, or just speak to him if that is all she can get. But it won't get her back home. Not right away, if at all. She's certain of that.

The non-contact from Rick, the complete incommunicado, is so completely out of character that she fears she has finally achieved what years of rejection, avoidance and lies had previously failed to do.

Still she tries.

She finds a coffee shop far enough away that there are no cops, and a quiet corner.

After three fruitless round of calls to the Castles, she rings her dad who actually picks up. They agree meet at _their_ diner for a late lunch. Over the phone he asks, and she finds herself agreeing to stay with him one more time.

* * *

He is surprisingly calm and patient with her. He was last time. It was her who wasn't all those things and more.

They start softly, the general health inquiries, skirting his work, ignoring hers entirely.

"Katie, I'm sorry about before. It wasn't my place to be judgmental."

"But it should be Dad. Mom would have been. She wouldn't have cut me any slack. And it wasn't anything I didn't deserve. I really screwed up. Really am screwed up." She's fighting the tears

"Well how about we make a list and then work out which ones to umm, fix first."

It started off like a good idea. Half-way in it looks like an indictment, and by the end she'd convict herself. Doing this in public was a bad idea. Her control is shot and her dad recognises this. Slips his key across the table to her. He has to go back to work. She needs privacy.

She goes to his place. The pull out bed is basic and the diametric opposite of what their bed had been in her former home. The tears don't stop for some time.

* * *

She goes round to the Loft. Sneaks past the duty doorman, afraid to even exchange inane pleasantries at the risk of being judged by others.

Her key still works and she steals in. It very much feels that way.

No one is home.

She once was a detective.

Starts with his office. His laptop is gone. Same with his travel essentials. A check of the safe reveals that his passport is missing. Hers is there alongside her Mom's ring and other keep sakes he must have moved from bedside the bed. She takes the passport. But after some indecision she leaves her mom's ring. That's an anchor to her past, and if she is going to stand any chance she needs to be focused only on their future. If they have one.

She can't make it through the door to their bedroom, breaks down on the threshold, body racked against the door frame, hot guilty tears wash nothing away except her mascara.

She has to pass their bed on her journey through to their bathroom to repair her makeup and at least make herself presentable enough for the journey back to her Dad's place.

His favorite luggage – the one he uses on tours - is missing and there are gaps in the wardrobe. Enough for weeks. How long has he been gone?

The rest of the Loft. The fridge is empty of perishables.

She finds a flyer on Martha's dresser. A two week actors retreat in New England. That explains one absentee. Alexis is obviously back in her dorms.

She takes a travel case and fills it with more clothes and toiletries. Only what she needs. Everything else she leaves behind.

* * *

Supper with her dad is a simple meal of pasta and bottled sauce. He's never been much of a cook, that was always her mom, and she can't help but compare it to how Rick's love of cooking served up an amazing pastiche of flavors. She picks at her food. Has done since she was so stupid less than two months ago.

Despite it being a weekday night, her dad has a meeting. That he still goes despite the years under his belt is something she admires him for it. Tells him so. He smiles wanly somehow guilt for those handful of lost years never assuaged.

Will she feel the same, if she ever gets the chance to fix them?

"Will you be okay Katie?"

For tonight, or in the long run? She wishes she knew.

"I'll be fine Dad. I'll read or catch a show," she kisses his cheek, "Now go. I'll see you when you get back."

* * *

She can't concentrate on a book, and channel hopping was equally unfulfilling.

Her Dad has a Tivo – provided by Rick of course. Despite its age it still works. Among all the baseball games there is a surprise. Not that it should be. It would appear that a certain egotistical author has his name in the smart search function.

There it is. The talk show from just over a week ago. The night after she last saw Rick in DC.

She gives in. Watches it.

It's a mistake. A huge mistake.

Oh God.

She watches as the man she pledged her life to, defends her to his last breath on TV. Despite of everything she had done. She sees it. The moment when he breaks, when his instinctive defense of her is not enough, when the determination and love fades from his eyes.

She breaks again. Then forces herself to watch it twice more. Part penance, part aide-memoir.

* * *

She makes it until the last day before she goes back to work.

Sunday brunch – the one meal her dad was good at - was a stark reminder of all that she had lost. She breaks again, surprising no one, even as her Dad rocks her in his arms.

* * *

She pulls herself back together.

Collects her badge and gun.

Slips into the shell of Captain Beckett.

* * *

Two weeks pass.

Her new job doesn't suck but she can't do more than tolerate it. Even when in Vice or dumpster driving she never less than really liked her job.

She certainly doesn't love it like she loved homicide.

And none of this is a patch on the man who is missing from her heart and her life.

* * *

He calls her out of the blue.

He's in Canada.

Doesn't explain why.

He'll be back in two days.

Can they meet?

He wants to meet!

She agrees instantly.

Without condition.

She wants to temper any hope with caution but there's no wall to shelter behind anymore.

* * *

But the dawn of the day of their meeting she's a wreck.

She can't take time off, so she stumbles through the day. If her new team notice they wisely hold their council. Their new Captain is much more by the book than her reputation suggests.

* * *

It is probably the hardest thing she has ever done.

But she is not fearless anymore.

She knows what she has put at risk.

So her bravery is born of need, nay desperation.

* * *

The meeting goes better and worse than expected.

He still loves her. He was adamant on that.

Just as she was in return.

But she's not going back.

To his side.

To the Loft.

To the place she called home.

That isn't an option for her anymore.

She thinks she accepts that. But who really knows? It really is much too soon for her to analyse it.

His suggestion about time and places was sound. She had agreed readily but she would have done to just about anything he asked of her. Anything that gave them - and her - a chance.

Yet she is still pulled in every direction by what just transpired.

* * *

It takes four days before she could even begin to tell her dad. It gives her time to set things in motion.

Telling Lanie takes a whole ten days more. Two weeks since she last saw Rick. But it gives her time to complete everything she needed to do.

* * *

They meet at Lanie's. She's not comfortable inviting anyone to her dad's and worse would be meeting in public. She's been recognized several times both whilst one duty and off. In days of old the names or whispers never hurt but this time they strike home, born of the fundamental truth of them.

Her best friend is stubborn and opinionated but is patient enough to listen whilst Kate stutters her way through her explanation of everything that transpired.

"Oh Kate."

She nods through her tears. What choice did she have? None. Not in reality.

"Rick gave me some money." Quite a lot actually.

"Oh honey. What are you going to do?"

"Travel I think. I need to take some time to get right. I need to make amends as well."

"Can you do that while travelling?"

Lanie doesn't seem hopeful. She shouldn't be really. She and Rick were really broken, all her fault. Still if her best friend is endeavouring to get her life back on track so she can be receptive and supportive on her own behalf too. Even if she is not telling the whole truth.

"It is what it is Lanie. And I do honestly think – and hope – that it is the best chance of us fixing this." She doesn't look like she believes herself.

"Will you come back?"

"Here?" She dodging a lot. "Of course!"

"To the city?" Her friend rolls her eyes. Of course the city.

"Yes Lanie, I'll be back." Some day. Maybe just to visit. Who knows? Right now this is too painful to contemplate.

"The NYPD?" Oh that question. She had been expecting that.

"No Lanes. That is done. For good this time. I should never have taken the exam. I was never meant to be a Captain. My resignation is final this morning. Gates was very understanding." And she had been. No lecture, just some kinds words of regret, and a toast from the bottle in her drawer. Not much of a way to mark more than a decade and a half of her life.

"You just giving it away?"

"My benefits are preserved. At least when I get to retire, I will get a part pension from the NYPD for the service time. Lanie, they had grounds to terminate me and make it much more unpleasant. But they didn't."

"Oh Sweetie, that's not what I meant and you know it."

"I do. But it is what it. And it's not like I haven't resigned before."

"But this time it's final isn't it?"

* * *

And she goes.

There is no great farewell. No party, not even drinks at a cop bar. The Old Haunt entirely out of bounds. She tries to reach her former partners. Esposito doesn't respond. Ryan takes the call whilst juggling a screaming child – Jenny has a part time job even whilst pregnant – and apologetic for being unable to meet but he wishes her well and the raw emotion is palpable.

It's kind of shocking how few acquaintances she has outside of work.

Her Dad takes her out to their diner for their final meal together for who knows how long. They're both pretending badly that it will be alright but beneath the brave faces, fractured hearts lurk. Who knows if they will have the chance to heal?

* * *

Neither Lanie nor her dad can make it to the airport so she leaves the city with no fanfare and only her own tears to mark her departure.

Yet despite this, she has hope.

She has his words.

Now it is her turn.

She has always been better at actions.

* * *

 **Author's note.**

Just a couple more chapters to go. This was originally a one or two shot.

Reviews are welcome but please keep them respectful.


	6. Chapter 6

**New York, 13 months later.**

Fate – what would Richard Castle say? Ah the Universe – yes the Universe had been kind to her.

Despite her breaking her number one rule – never date another doctor.

Her new man was sweet, and considerate, and despite only a few months together, clearly committed and possibly smitten.

So was she.

When he wasn't working Guy was with her as much as possible. And not in a creepy, hanging on way.

She had high hopes for this relationship. Maybe she was learning from her past mistakes.

* * *

Guy had the late shift so after picking her up from work he dropped her home. Kissing her boyfriend goodbye she made her way to into the lobby of her building, and stopped to check her mail. Only one item. But when she saw the small envelope with the airmail sticker her heart leapt. Knowing who it was from, it was impossible to hide the grin that blossomed on her face.

Better than the more frequent postcard. A letter, and hopefully more pictures.

She almost took the stairs but her heels and the fact she lived on the seventh floor tempered any mad enthusiasm to get inside her apartment so she could focus on the news from her best friend.

* * *

Her disciple held long enough for her to get changed into sweats including one of Guy's tops and pour some wine.

She settled in to catch up on the latest adventures.

* * *

The stamp was from Singapore and the postmark read 'Changai' – that's the airport right? – and the date was almost nine weeks ago. Damn real mail was definitely slower that the e-version, especially from Asia. Opening the envelope revealed two pages of that neat handwriting and four, no, five (one was stuck to another) photos.

She was about to look at the photos when she saw the first lines on the letter.

'I'm coming home.'

* * *

 **Two hours later.**

She was still none the wiser. She had re-read the letter three times. Dissected the two pages of writing. She wishes she was a detective. Perhaps able discern the clue from the words in ink. Nah that would be more Sherlock than Beckett.

She still didn't know what Kate Beckett was actually doing when she came back. Nor where and the date of her return. She could already be back.

* * *

From time to time, Lanie Parish pondered what the hell happened to the best couple she ever knew. The pair that despite the convoluted, yeah 'complicated' was definitely right, history, Kate Beckett and Rick Castle belonged together. And for a while they had seemed the perfect couple despite the extraordinary amount of danger and drama they seemed to attract.

Kate's promotion to Captain should have seen her be able to spend more time with her husband. Instead the opposite occurred and a mysterious separation with a complete BS justification of 'needing some time' left everyone who knew them in disbelief.

Kate had resigned (for good this time) and gone abroad more than a year ago. Some would have characterized it as fleeing but she knew best friend better. But Lanie always suspected there was more to it. Kate never explained what Rick and she had discussed that fateful day, only that she wasn't staying in New York. Nothing had been mentioned about his plans.

But nor did the man himself. Despite some brief appearances at the Twelfth in the immediate aftermath of Kate quitting, Rick has been a ghost. The PI Business is shuttered. Permanently. Terminated with extreme bitterness Ryan had observed. The English chick, Hayley, had wanted to take over but had been denied. Still she had managed to sweet talk the client list from Alexis according to Ryan. Lanie has her doubts about that too. Alexis is no push over.

The younger Castle, Alexis, had transferred to MIT changing degree subjects entirely. Paige, her best friend from high school is up in Boston at Harvard and Alexis clearly wanted to get away from New York. 'Less distractions' the young woman had admitted when she met up with Lanie for a chat just before she left for Boston. Less forthcoming was any information about her father, 'keeping busy' was the first answer she got, and her persistence got 'rebuilding'. And that was all.

Martha was still living at the Loft. But was there so infrequently based on the schedule for the touring show she had been on for most of the last six months.

But back to Rick. The last time she saw Rick, some nine months ago, he had told her he had plans. He just didn't share them. She had always known there was a serious side to him, and the stress of the four months had seemed to get to him, washing away the optimist. He was tired and there were streaks of grey in his hair. Despite this his blue eyes burned. But with determination.

The annual Nikki Heat book hadn't appeared. Instead Derrick Storm was reincarnated. Press was kept to a minimum. No signings but the book did well. Two Storm short stories followed.

* * *

The post cards and the emails had turned up over the course of the ten months since Kate left. The letters, normally including a handful of printed photos, were more infrequent. The latest was the seventh.

She had started in Europe. Italy (Venice, Rome, Milan), Spain (Madrid, Cordoba, Barcelona), not always big cities, sometimes small towns and villages. Then Thailand, Cambodia, China, Japan, Brazil, Peru, Chile, Namibia, Rwanda, Kenya, Tanzania and finally Australia, and New Zealand.

Lanie kept the gang – more accurately acquaintances who used to work together - in the loop. Ryan, now a dad of two, was always interested. Deputy Chief Gates actually asks after Kate when they encounter each other. Even Esposito has finally got his head out of his behind, although in keeping with his job in ESU seems to communicate in monosyllables.

There are photos with the emails and letters, are often quirky, usually of some scenery or a seemingly random object. But there is usually at least one shot of Kate. Sometimes clearly a selfie or supposedly a candid taken by someone else. With the passage of time there has been a progression in the face shots.

There is a perceptible change in her friend. If Lanie had to ascribe any emotion to how her friend now looked, it would be content. Actually that was wrong. Kate looks happy. The last photo had her beaming smile and the eyes – not hidden behind the reflective shield of polarized lenses – are clear and gleaming.

But she never mentions Castle, and as far Lanie can tell she has had no contact from the author. Just like the rest of the world. Aside from a couple of interviews for the Storm book launches – all with tightly controlled questions – there is nothing in the press.

* * *

 **Present Day**

Ten months in, about the time of the last letter from Singapore, Kate had gone silent. Not the first time she has done that for two, almost three months

Lanie was sanguine at first. But she got worried when there are no responses to her follow ups.

She can hardly report her missing. She's not family and she doesn't even know which country Kate was really last in. And now there is this letter. Kate's coming home but no one has heard from her.

In her desperation she calls Ryan. It's not awkward like Javi, but he's pretty much by the book these days. He lost his gun and nearly his badge after his accidental shooting of his partner. Castle pulled some strings and got Ryan into the Computer Crimes team that formed part of the inter agency task force Beckett was originally assigned to. Although it is not field work, Ryan really took to it and got a promotion and the pay rise he needed to cover for his second child. Jenny was able to give up her part time job.

Of course it meant the end of his partnership with Javi. They didn't finish as friends. Ryan takes her call, waves off her entreaties but still promises to look.

* * *

Ryan calls back a day later. Kate's passport was last logged seven weeks ago. Entry into the US. Boston. A flight from London.

She's home. Or in the US at least. Where are you girlfriend? How are you?

* * *

Maybe Ryan's search shakes something loose, but whatever it is, the call comes out of the blue.

She doesn't recognize the caller's number.

"Hello Lanie Parish."

There is no immediate response, and her heart is in her mouth.

"Hi Lanie." The familiar feminine but strong tone, the slight lilt of humour mixed with care. It's her!

"Kate!" And then continuing on before her friend can recover from her shouted name, "Girl if I wasn't so damned happy to hear from you I'd smack you!"

The laugh that greets her feeble threat is resplendent with happiness. The woman on the other end sounds so positive, almost giddy. The photos have been true.

They talk for five minutes and despite her questions, Lanie doesn't know much more than Kate is in the United States, but not in New York, and that she is well. She'll call again. Soon.

* * *

The second call follows five days later. Is she free to take a few days? Come visit for the weekend?

The invitation is a surprise.

More so the small private plane – a twin engine (not jet) Beechcraft that whisks her away from New York on a crisp autumn morning. She's heading north east.

They're over the sea for a good part of the journey. But it doesn't take too long. New England she thinks.

* * *

The plane lands on a small green runway.

"Welcome to Falmouth Airpark" the sign says.

Oh. Looking out she can see planes parked by houses.

The pilot brings the plan to a stop by what appears to be terminal of sorts, he opens up the doors and helps her out, then passes Lanie, her small weekender bag.

The keys for a steel grey SUV are waiting for her at the single counter in the tidy white building that hosts the 'Operations Center' and handles everything at the small airfield.

* * *

The coordinates are in the GPS.

The drive takes maybe fifteen minutes before she's turning off the road onto a private driveway. Initially the lane way is surrounded by trees on both sides but within a hundred yards, the view clears and she spies her destination.

The neat two story house sits on the cusp of the Atlantic. Gleaming white paintwork reflecting the autumn sun.

With the window open she can hear the sound of the sea over the engine as she drives up.

* * *

All in all it is closer to fourteen months since Lanie saw her best friend in the flesh. The excitement and to be fair not a little trepidation fills her.

Parking up. She notes the open two-car garage with no vehicles present. She spots the charging station in one corner. Some form of hybrid car?

The place is not huge, but the car, the chartered plane – even if not a jet - indicate clearly that there is money and her hopes rise just a little. But then Kate never did say just how much money Rick gave her.

But really all she wants is to see her best friend. Questions can wait. For now.

* * *

There is a piece of paper with a big printed arrow pointing down the side of the house.

Rounding the corner brings the ocean into view and there on large deck is her friend. At least she assumes the person rocking on a hammock supported between two stands is Kate.

She can't help herself, she's dropping her weekend bag and almost running to cover the short distance.

She gives in and calls out with yards to. Her cry of "Kate?" tussling with the gentle crash of waves on the shore below.

The shape in the hammock twists at the interruption, and a tanned face hidden behind sunglasses turns towards her.

It is Her!

The brunette locks are burnished with long months of sunshine.

The eyes are hidden behind sunglasses but the mouth curves up in welcome and recognition, as even as Kate pushes the sunglasses up onto the top of her head.

"Hello Lanie."

"Oh Girl I've missed you!"

"Me too. God help me out Lanie." Kate Beckett never needed this sort of help before but the reclining woman extends her arms and before Lanie knows it she has stepped and extended her own to take Kate's wrists so she can help pull her up as her best friend pivots her legs out to stand.

Lanie is fixated on her friend's beaming face and eyes as her much taller friend – even in bare feet – pulls her into a big hug. A hug that is disrupted by an obstruction.

Still with arms joined Lanie steps back and looks down.

"And what's this?" Her voice has jump at least two octaves. She's not shrieking, is she?

"You have a medical degree you should know what this is Lanie?"

Oh she does. And her heart begins to hope.

"Oh my God Kate. I'm so happy for you."

"Me too. Happy I mean." And she really looks it.

"And the baby Daddy?"

* * *

 **Author's Note**

One chapter and an epilogue to go.


	7. Chapter 7

_"Hello Lanie."_

 _"Girl I've missed you."_

 _"Help me out Lanie." Kate Beckett never needed this sort of help before but the reclining woman extends her arms and before Lanie knows it she has stepped and extended her own to take Kate's wrists so she can help pull her up as her best friend pivots her legs out to stand._

 _Lanie is fixated on her friend's beaming face and eyes as her much taller friend – even in bare feet – pulls her into a big hug. A hug that is disrupted by an obstruction._

 _"And what's this?"_ _Her voice has jump at least two octaves. She's not shrieking, is she?_

 _"You have a medical degree you should know what this is?"_

 _Oh she does. And her heart begins to hope._

 _"Oh my God Kate. I'm so happy for you."_

 _"Me too. Happy I mean." And she really looks it._

 _"And the baby Daddy?"_

* * *

"The only one I ever wanted."

 _Thank God! She's pretty much singing inside with joy now, even as she feels a hot tear of happiness escape. It is all she has ever wanted for her friend. And him too. He is a good man, more than good enough for her best friend, and entirely deserving of her in return._

"Oh Kate! Really?!" _Perhaps she still needs more confirmation. Is it too much to ask for a blood test? DNA?_

"Yes, really Lanie. And you look great Lanes. I take it that this doctor you're dating is good for you?"

"Guy, and yes he's great. But don't think you are distracting me Kate Beckett."

"Who's she?" shoots back Kate and earns a hard look from the ME.

"Look I'm just pleased for you. I'll admit to missing our girl-time. A guess we've got a lot to catch up on."

"You better believe Hunnie. But more importantly where is he?"

"Out. Just running some errands. He'll be here soon."

"Okay?" She's still a tad suspicious, and clearly so.

Kate laughs at her friend's obviousness.

"God Lanie. Yes. It is Rick. We're together and he's the father. You know he's the only one I ever wanted to, with..."

Lanie can fill in the gaps from the last statement and she almost sags with relief from the confirmation, and yet question just leaps out, direct and no tact. "Kate what happened? When you left it sounded so final. Like a divorce."

"It was in a way. A separation of sorts. But from our lives and mess we managed to get ourselves into. We both needed to escape New York, the NYPD, our pasts, our present. Too much attention, too much history. So we left New York. Left our jobs. A lot of what defined us before. Even our families and friends. But it was necessary. For us to do this. To more than exist, or survive. We both wanted more than that and he deserved more too."

Lanie nods in acceptance of the explanation. More than she could perhaps have expected so soon. "So the money from Rick?"

"Was true. He did give me money." _Still not telling you how much Lanes, but nice attempt._

"But you left on your own?"

"I was telling the truth. I traveled alone on occasion, not a lot of the time overall, but especially at the beginning. But he first met up with me after nearly six weeks and we spent three weeks together before he had to come back for some things. It was almost three months before we could be together as much as possible."

"I'm so pleased it has worked out, for both of you. I didn't know, or understand, what happened to the pair of you back in New York."

"Even now it's hard to say Lanie. It was like we were two different people, or at least I was. It was so out of character for both of us, especially given everything we had overcome up to then. I blew it. And Rick…."

"God. It wasn't easy Lanes. Lots of tears, and anger, some knock down fights. But things we should have said to each other earlier got shared."

"But it still took more to fix things?"

"Yeah, well you know me. Always able to see the worst in something great. It was tough at times. But Rick was really uncompromising. Much more confrontational than in the past.

"Then there was one really bad argument. My fault, and a trial separation – only nine excruciating days - which only confirmed we were much more miserable, far more, apart than together. I think after that we agreed to reinvent ourselves, or perhaps remade is a better term. Even during that time he called every night to talk me to sleep, and then one morning he was just there with my coffee and a ridiculous bouquet of these huge orange and red sunflowers."

"And this?"

"Our choice. A mutual decision. Planned." So few words yet encapsulated everything they had finally become. The partnership from the precinct finally perfected in their own personal life together.

"I am so happy for you Kate." She pushes a little more, "All healthy?"

"Yes," a tiny beat of a pause, "This time," almost whispered, near confessional.

"This time?" squeaks out.

"I had a miscarriage four months into the trip. I think they put it at five weeks. Led to the argument that sent almost sent Rick running back to the US, and to us being apart briefly. And that was all on me again. Convinced myself that I was unworthy to be his, to carry his offspring."

"Oh Kate." The tears which have been threatening escape run free, and she lurches into her best friends arms, the bump between them still a novelty.

"It's okay Lanie. It was hard for a little bit but strangely it bought us together. I barely knew I was pregnant, maybe suspicious. But it was a little too early as well. I ascribe it to the angry make up sex. As well as blaming myself, I accused him of some really awful things in the emotional wash up. More punishment than promise. He quite rightly fled. But I made contact, didn't let him go. Fought for him, even if I couldn't physically chase him for a couple of days. He came back. Again.

"Afterwards we worked through things together. Tragic as it was, it helped immensely too. It was the final step for where we are now. The conclusion to choices Rick asked me to make in New York."

"And that's a year of your life?"

"Oh Lanie, that the dramatic part of it sure, but really we've had the best time too. Been to places I, we, always wanted to visit, and plenty we didn't even know about. Of course some of the attractions were purely Rick. Legoland for instance. We went to the one in Denmark and the one in England. There was some indulgences too. Finally got to live the lifestyle that being married to a millionaire could offer.

"And not being a cop."

"Yeah Lanie, and my not being a cop anymore allowed us to that. And I don't regret it at all. None of the danger, or the monotony."

"You're a lucky girl."

"And don't I know it."

* * *

"Hello Lanie."

The voice is familiar but turning from where she is sat with Kate at the deck table, the man who stands before her is different. He's got gray with his hair much shorter cut with no bangs, maybe receding a little too if she's being super critical. A short graying beard frames his jaw, but the eyes are nearly the same as she remembers them even behind the prescription glasses. He's also much trimmer. Long cargo shorts and a plain dark grey t-shirt tight across his broad shoulders and impressive guns. The cheeky smile and laughing eyes remain. Damn! Middle age Richard Castle is a hottie.

"Richard Castle." She rises and reaches to pull him into a hug.

"That's not me."

"You both keep saying that when I say your names," she grouches from his chest, her arms barely encompassing his trimmer but still broad and surprisingly firm torso. _You're a lucky girl Kate Beckett, or whatever your name is._

"Well it's true."

She ignores that statement for the moment and once again wraps him in another hug, head even lower down the long torso than with Kate. "Well whatever your name is, thank you."

"For what?"

"You know what. Loving my Girl."

"Could never not do that." From her seat Kate blushes, and reaches a hand to take his.

Lanie steps back, "So what's with the names? You seem awfully familiar but claim you aren't who I address you as."

"You know people say that to both of us quite often."

He's not answering that question too. But she has time for that answer later. "So where have you been?"

"Here and there. And today, I was out to pickup a stray."

As if on cue, another person comes round the corner of the house, it seems that no one actually goes through the house. Lanie almost doesn't recognize her at first. The dark hair an effective disguise until she spies the freckles and the father's eyes.

"Hello Lanie. It's been a while." The woman offers a hand but Lanie pulls her into a hug.

"Alexis. It is so good to see you. You look different."

The laugh is definitely familiar. "So they tell me."

Up close and aside from the hair, at least Alexis still looked largely like her former self. The dark, near black hair was a little shorter but the face is full of summer freckles even in autumn.

She detaches from Lanie and takes two steps to cross over into Kate's outstretched arms.

"Hi Kate. How's my sibling?"

"Taking after their father."

"Oh sorry to hear that."

"I'm right here you know."

"Yes, we know Dear." At his reaction, she adds "Don't pout."

* * *

Dusk has fallen and they sit, or in one case recline around the deck table, full of barbecue and bonhomie.

"So explain the name thing again."

"My name is Katherine Houghton Rodgers. This is my husband Richard Alexander Rodgers."

"For real?"

"Yes real! We decided that we wanted to step away from our past. As much as possible. Far from who we were in New York."

"And start over?"

"Well not too over. We had wasted a fair bit of time. Didn't want to waste any more." She waves her hand over the rounded mass of her stomach.

"Anyway we wanted to do it right this time. For us."

Rick chimes in. "There was some cheating. Her mainly."

Kate doesn't deny it. "He'd been so patient. Making him, us, wait any more wasn't right. Or fair."

"You seduced me!"

"Like you were complaining. And you seduced me right back."

He fist pumps. Oh she totally fell for that one.

Lanie whispers to Alexis, "Some things haven't changed."

"No. Definitely not. I still ring ahead before driving up on visits."

"You have my sympathy."

"Thanks."

"We're both right here you know."

"We know," comes from the stereo echoes from the two women.

* * *

The following morning, Lanie wakes early in the unfamiliar guest room. Pulling on the cotton robe Kate had laid out for her, she navigates her way downstairs in search of a drink.

She finds Kate awake and eating already. Pregnancy messing with her bladder and body clock. Rick there beside her.

After an exchange of good morning greetings and grabbing some breakfast items from the huge range of options – apparently even post-morning sickness Beckett has random food compatibility issues – Lanie broaches the question she wants more answers to.

"I'm still not sure I understand everything about what went on the beginning when you quit," Lanie nods at Kate, "and you up and disappeared. Again," she half accuses Rick.

"That's okay. We're not seeking anyone else's approval or permission but I guess we can explain." Rick offers.

"Well maybe just a little bit." Kate corrects her husband as Alexis joins them, exchanging greetings with the other occupants.

"What I said was true when we last met. I did have plans. I was just not sharing them. With anyone. But I had some business to attend to first so that was what held me up. And so Kate traveled first. She used the bucket list of places we wanted to go if we ever had the time, started off on some of her choices.

"As I had some things to do first, we agreed to meet up when we could. Before Kate left we prioritized the places we both wanted to experience together and made sure that we could do that. Other places Kate visited on her own. She's already promised to take me, well our family back to some of her favorites."

"It was during our first time together (in Spain) that I got pregnant but miscarried before I really knew I was. I didn't handle it well. Understatement really."

"We both didn't. I thought we had finally broken for good. But you wouldn't quit," he directs towards his wife.

"Too much to stomach losing," Kate admits.

"We took our time after that. I was able to spend most of my time with Kate by then.

Lanie has replayed the timeline of the photos and messages from Kate in her head. She still has questions.

"So back at the beginning when Kate quit and left New York where had you been Rick? Before those final few weeks? You disappeared before then."

"I took some advice. I got away. Canada. Some distant relatives apparently. I'll have to show you the photos as there is definitely a resemblance. But it wasn't the best advice. Well-intentioned but bad, or perhaps I should say incorrect. I almost blew it."

Kate leans into his cheek whispering something before leaving a kiss.

Lanie turns to Alexis and mouths 'Martha?' to the young woman. The sad nod terminates the brief exchange. Even as she turns back Rick and Kate have noticed this.

Rick proceeds on.

"I went to stay with this long-lost family in Alberta. I did do some writing. Not Nikki, she was mute for me then, but Derrick was reincarnated there. But I couldn't shake off Kate, she dominated my thoughts, and so I came back. Couldn't stay away. It turns out that for once it was pretty much the right time and choice. I called Kate and asked to meet. And we went from there."

Now Kate is up and her body wrapped around her husband, her left hand in his, their rings adjacent. She's whispering into his cheek, words only for the couple. Lanie feels almost guilty for sharing the room with them.

"Um, thanks. I appreciate the honesty, but I don't want to be responsible for making you both sad. Not when you have so much to celebrate."

"Deal." Kate's acceptance would be more convincing without the red-rimmed eyes.

* * *

After breakfast they had all showered and dressed. Lanie had joined Kate for a walk along the beach that was accessible from a gentle track that winds down the bluff that the house sits on. She had studiously ignored any serious conversation and two had enjoyed some frank girl-talk.

Returning to the house they find Rick and Alexis setting out an early lunch of cold chicken, salads and crusty bread.

"So you've been back nearly three months. So why go dark?"

Kate starts and looks at Lanie. "Did you have Ryan check on me?"

"How?" Lanie stutters.

"Detective, or at least ex-detective remember? Plus I know Rick set Ryan up with that job. Logical choice."

"Kate. I was concerned. You hadn't been in contact for the longest time."

"Thank you for your concern. I guess we were in our own little bubble. We were doing all the legal stuff with name changes and passports and also Kate, as she told you last night, had ten days of really bad morning sickness. We just wanted to ensure everything was healthy and progressing before bringing others back into our lives."

"Okay. Thank you for explaining. Still couldn't you have even sent one message Kate? Or you Rick?"

"I did I sent you that letter telling you I was coming home. I posted it in Singapore."

"It turned up really late."

"Oh. Sorry about that."

"De nada. So have you seen anyone else?"

"So far we had our families up here to visit. Alexis is closest, and comes when she can. No one else."

"Well until you Lanie. My dad has been twice and he's coming next weekend. Martha been up once and is coming again the weekend after and when her schedule allows."

"We'd love you to come visit again. We're not sure when we'll go back to New York."

"We'd like to meet Guy too." Kate insists. Turnabout is fair play.

"Well he's very keen to meet both of you. Turns out he likes your books, even before we met. But he has agreed that maybe Lauren Parry is hotter than Nikki."

* * *

The afternoon lazes away and a casual supper of chicken and salad finds them once again on the deck, wrapped up against the chill breeze off the Atlantic. Alexis has slipped back inside to work on an assignment.

"Why here? I mean I love it, but why this spot."

"I visited once with some friends many summers ago. I liked the area. Close to Martha's Vineyard but caught up in the lifestyle and costs. Homes by the sea have always appealed to me," Rick admits, "of course it helps if you have the money to afford one."

"Is this permanent?"

"No. We are only leasing the house. I think we'll move closer to Boston in the last trimester. We're looking already."

"Will you come back to New York?"

"No, at least not for a while. Maybe not permanently. We'll always have a home there. Mother is in the Loft – which we've agreed not sell, at least for a long time - when she's actually in New York. And there is the Hamptons."

"So why not do this at the Hamptons? Kate loves the place Rick."

He nods but his wife answers.

"We both do. But when we wanted to start afresh we agreed on making a clean break. The Hamptons has some bittersweet memories. So Rick actually leased the house out. It was one of the things that delayed his departure was arranging for all the stuff to go into secure storage, and for the paperwork and legals. It took quite a bit of organizing."

"It did take longer than expected, plus Mother thought I was punishing her."

"So he had to do a bit of reassuring. I would never begrudge him spending time with his family. Especially his Mom." Lanie can't help but notice how Kate is able to reference the profound loss of her own mother is such a manner without retreating into her shell. Rick – she still has trouble not calling him Castle – has been so good for her.

"Thank you but that family includes you too Kate." She nudges him with her left foot in acknowledgement.

"Can I ask about Alexis? How she is with all of this?"

"I think it is better if you ask her directly. You should have a chance to catch up tomorrow."

"Talking of which? Any plans for the day? My flight is late afternoon but can be moved a little according to the pilot."

"Well if you don't mind an early start we thought we could take the car across to Martha's Vineyard. The ferry leaves from Woods Hole just down the road."

"How early is early?"

"Catch the eight am ferry. So leave here about quarter past seven."

"Sounds good. I have always wanted to go."

* * *

She got her moment with Alexis whilst riding the ferry to Haven. Rick and Kate disappear to get some fresh air as the baby didn't have their sea legs yet. It was more than long enough for Alexis' frank appraisal that the pair were infinitely better together than apart, and that now Kate, and by direct inference her dad, were no longer in the line of fire, her concerns were very much secondary. She was very much her father's daughter, willing to forgive. Plus Alexis was looking forward to being the cool sister.

* * *

They explore the island in the Rick's car – a Tesla X - alighting at several locations for the view and sample the wares. Rick's attempts to purchase assorted knick-knacks and other items universally shot down by Kate and Alexis.

As they are getting the two o'clock ferry back they opt for a simple take away lunch. So they find themselves clustered at a picnic table eyeing off some interested seagulls as they enjoy their 'fish and chips'. Both Rick and Kate had corrected her on her questioning of the meal title. Apparently they had discovered this whilst in the UK, and both liked it, except for something called 'mushy peas' which Kate labelled bad enough to be one of Rick's kitchen experiments. Turns out that 'Baby R' – Lanie had to mentally remind herself not to call it 'Baby B' or even 'Baby C' – likes seafood.

"Can I tell people?"

"We are not making a big thing of it. Plus we want our privacy. Anyway who would be interested?"

"The old team. We're broken up and working different places but we're still your friends. Plus what about the press and public? He's still a little bit famous."

"So is she but we'll deal with that together when the time comes. I still retain Paula as my, or I guess, our publicist."

"But if you want to share with just our closest friends then please do so. But no social media or anything like that. I barely managed with Alexis, I have no idea how we'll survive now."

"Don't worry about it Babe. We'll cross that bridge when we need to."

The seriously talk peters out until Lanie asks something that had been at the back her of mind since Kate quit the NYPD for good.

"Did you ever think about going back to study law again?"

"God no! Years of study, and then a career again? Missing out on family time, seeing our kids grow up? Maybe once I did consider it. But I don't want that now, and we don't need it." Beside her, her husband nods in agreement.

"But you must miss somethings, don't you?"

"The NYPD? Sure. But I only miss some things about being a detective. The camaraderie, the team, the closure for the victims' families, finding justice. But I don't miss the paperwork, the danger, the long hours. Worse I got blinded by the need to advance, seeing that a measurement of my true worth. Promotion was a mistake for me. I was a good detective but I'm no Captain. Never was. Montgomery, Gates they were the ones that embodied those skills and traits necessary to run a precinct. I'll settle for being able to run, or at least survive, a household. And if that doesn't work out I've got Mister Mom here to lend a hand."

* * *

Lanie had driven the SUV back to the airport. Rick and Kate had followed in their Tesla X – o _nly_ the 90D as Kate had prohibited the P90D model despite Rick's desire to own a vehicle with 'Ludicrous Speed Upgrade'.

The pilot was waiting for Lanie. She admitted that a simple city girl could get used to the lifestyle but she was increasingly sure that she had everything she needed with Guy. Except the man himself - who had already messaged that he would be there to meet her at Teterboro airport when she arrived in a little bit over an hour.

"Thank you all for having me come to visit. It was good to get away from the city and that was even before all of this great news. I am so pleased for all of you."

"So what are your plans now?"

"We're taking Alexis back to college tomorrow morning, and then we have an appointment in the city with the pediatrics clinic we've chosen."

"I think she meant longer term 'Mister Itinerary'. We're going to be a family." At Kate's obvious statement, but one tinged with such delight, Lanie can barely roll her eyes before trying at least some form of glare on her friend. Which doesn't work.

Of course Rick dives in to cover for his partner. "I'll write some more. I've got some ideas and well maybe with my muse around Nikki might make a comeback. Of course this is all in between daddy duties." Oh that elicits a classic eye roll.

"What about you Kate?"

"For now concentrate on being a mom. We'll work the rest out later. I know what my priorities are and I have everything here I need and want."

Kate wraps her best friend in the tightest hug – within the limits of her bump – and whispers, "Thank you for coming. We really appreciate it."

"Oh Kate thank you. I've had the best time. And this is the best news ever! I'm gonna be an Auntie!"

* * *

Author's Note

So I know this is not how many of the pitchfork wielding, torch-carriers wanted this story to go.

But I'm a shipper at heart. For me Kate Beckett permanently quitting the NYPD and moving away from New York to reconnect and recommit to Rick was a logical outcome.

And no she won't become a Senator (at least not in any story I write).

Also I don't normally do pregnancy or baby fics. But here I thought it was a necessary plot element.

Epilogue to come.


	8. Chapter 8

**Epilogue**

* * *

 **23 months later**

The final Nikki Heat novel catches everyone on the hop. After all it is more than three years since the last one. Materializing out of the blue, Black Pawn had been successful with their full stealth mode approach, and there was not a whisper until the books shipped to stores and appeared online ready for shipping.

The reaction catches all by surprise. Just like the tale itself - for Nikki Heat's documented adventures do not conclude in any formulaic manner, and the book is so open ended, it has many in the press flummoxed on how to judge and review it. Not so the readers, and just a week after launch it tops the charts and eventually stays there for five more weeks. After a long hiatus Nikki Heat fan fiction erupts in response. Rumors abound of a TV spin off. Maybe even a movie.

Demand builds for the author to come forward. Almost three years had passed since his last media mentions – aside from the obligatory 'Where are they now?' references which had eventually petered out more than a year ago. Two weeks after the sneak launch it is announced there will be a press event. Richard Castle will make an appearance. The first in almost three years.

The event is scheduled for another five weeks later. It brings out a big crowd - the curious and the fans, press and public alike. When he steps out of a limousine with a familiar, tall brunette on his arm, both wearing matching wedding rings, the striking couple steal not just Page Six, but the front-page in their (former) home town. The pair are gracious and polite but decline any questions related to their prolonged absence.

* * *

Lanie was offered a chance to attend. There was a time she would have leapt at the chance but she had declined. Instead she got to stay home with her 'nephew' who loves nothing more than to snuggle with his 'Auntie' Lanie. Okay pretty much anyone will do, James will snuggle with anyone, but he had a definite preference for a snuggle partner with boobs. A category she definitely qualifies for, even more so than James' mommy - who had blossomed in that area much to her husband's appreciation. Rick may be silently smug about all things boob related but sensibly doesn't make an issue of it.

Lanie manages to catch a web stream from the event, and sits in front of her laptop with James squirming on her lap until he catches sight of his parents, and stills for the moment.

Beside her, her fiancé snores gently. Another extended shift at the hospital draining Guy. But when he wakes he'll be a good and attentive uncle for James, and once again Lanie will ask herself why they're waiting for their own first-hand experience of all this.

She glances down at the 'rock' than adorns her ring finger. Turns out having Rick Castle, correction Rodgers, take your boyfriend ring shopping is a good thing. They had left the girls at Lanie's home with James and were back inside three hours, the ink barely dry on the hand written receipt from the store, her boyfriend so excited he couldn't wait, despite being made to stop for 'timeout' coffee on the way back. And then Guy had dropped to one knee before her, she had been so surprised Kate had stepped in and lifted James out of her arms so Guy could have access to her hand. It had been all she had wanted, and having her best friends witness the moment with their own silent tears was the icing on top.

"Dadeee. Momeee!" And James has her back in the moment as he shouts to his parents.

"Yes sweetie, there's Daddy and Mommy. Can you wave and blow kisses?" The boy follows her commands and if by fate it is the moment both Rick and Kate face the camera and blow kisses of their own. They're an incredibly handsome couple.

James is content for a moment before the wiggling resumes but they manage to watch through to the end of the red carpet before from her lap comes stillness and silence. Uh oh. Then a grunt. Definitely trouble. She has to move now. Before the tears and the wailing. James is such a contented child. Except when he fills his nappy. Then it just has to be changed that instant. No ifs or but(t)s.

Sighing she stands, and flips him around to get his bottom as far away from her as possible. She'll have to deal with it anyway.

"Good thing everybody loves you Baby. Even if you have the worst timing."

Which was true. Kate had recently confessed to her that she thinks her son has had training from his 'uncles' based on his unerring ability to interrupt 'mommy and daddy time'. Lanie knows because Kate and Rick are planning to have another child and have been _working on it_.

After changing him, and a bottle, James settles into his travel cot, his 'blanky' and 'bar' (bear) snuggled in with him. He electric blue-green eyes finally closing. Ensuring the monitor is on she sneaks back into the living room to her fiancé who doesn't even notice. She wonders if this is what it will be like once they have kids. Sacked on the sofa sleeping off their exhaustion. She looks forward to finding out.

She needs to catch up with Kate for some girl time. Kate and Rick had moved closer to Boston as James neared term and have bought a nice house in a gated private estate but she has her job in New York and doesn't get much free time to visit as she would like. This is only Rick and Kate's third time back in New York since they both returned to the US. Perhaps she could take a weekend with Guy and go visit the happy family. Get Rick to distract Guy, or James, and get Kate alone for some advice on how to progress the baby making. Especially as she knows her best friend has already moved past the planning stage again, and is going to surprise Rick tonight after the book party. Lanie is only privy to the secret as it was her blood test that morning which confirmed Kate's suspicions.

The last time she had decent girl-talk was on that first weekend she visited them near Martha's Vineyard.

* * *

 **Flashback**

Alexis had taken her father outside and Lanie was never more grateful for the smart, intuitive young woman.

"Okay you got me alone Lanie. Ask away."

"You never told me what you and Rick discussed at that meeting in New York?"

"Wow, and here was me thinking you'd ask about all the places we had sex."

"Oh we'll get to that. But back to my question."

"Okay but it goes no further."

"Of course."

"We lost sight of what made us so great. Especially me." Oh this is not good, the tears already. Kate shakes off her attempt to offer a tissue.

"Becoming Captain only exacerbated the differences. Yes change can be good. But this wasn't the good sort. Trying to change things up, only mixed things up for us.

"We've always been better together. But we weren't so much together.

"He told me I could still be independent, and fearless, and extraordinary. And then I broke everything. Even by trying to keep him safe. I should have trusted him. All those years and I still kept secrets."

"So what happened Kate?"

"I pushed him to his limit. Past it. The one man who had always chosen to be by my side." She takes a moment to steady herself.

"That day when he asked to meet. He asked me to choose Lanie."

"Him or my career." _Wow pretty big ultimatum._

"But there was choice for him too. He was willing to give up New York, his family, and Nikki Heat – at least for a while."

"Why not tell people?" _We would have been happy for you. Supported you._

"I understand that. But we were so fragile, and were for a while. You can't just rebuild what was broken between us in a matter of minutes. No matter how much you still love each other. Nothing so pat or storybook. Like on a TV show.

"We needed that time together. Privately. I had a lot to prove to Rick, and to myself."

"So why leave separately? Why travel separately?"

"Rick had things to do before he could leave."

"So why don't you start with what he asked of you."

"We met at this diner..."

* * *

 _"Kate, this is the most selfish thing I have every asked. I want you to choose."_

 _"Choose?"_

 _"I want you to choose me. To be your first concern. Over your career. Over everything else. That's what marrying is about. Sure you expand families but you also start a new one, and focus on that. And that's what I want to do. All I've wanted to do with you._

 _"I never wanted to make this about the job or the danger. God, you know me, I fell in love with Detective Beckett first, Kate came later._

 _"I totally get Bracken. I never asked you to not pursue it. Only to be safe. I was with you on that. Until you couldn't back off despite the risk. I walked away. I regret that. But ultimately it bought us together. Forever, I hoped…."_

 _"Then there was 3XK and Neimen. They were a threat to us. We weren't safe until they were gone._

 _"But this latest one. You were with them – the Attorney General's task force - a mere matter of months. They sacked you for doing the right thing. I know you respected McCord for what she achieved but she wasn't your friend, let alone family. And yet you gave us, me included, up for a crusade that wasn't yours._

 _"So yes I want you to choose. Choose me, choose us, choose a lifetime together, choose a family. Choose safety."_

 _"Oh" Wow._

 _The silence lasts some time. She needs her tears to be under control before she responds._

 _"Rick it is also the bravest thing you have ever asked of me. In the past, when faced with those choices I have always put my independence, my career ahead of the relationship. First with Will, and then with Josh. And I thought I could balance that with you. It worked for a while. And then when it didn't, I - and probably you too - made the mistake of thinking that changing it up would get us back to the way we were."_

 _His fingers instinctively intercept her tears on her cheeks. The connection between them still so intense._

 _"I was wrong."_

 _"We were both wrong Kate. But we have the means to choose a different path. We're more than financially independent."_

 _"So what are you asking Rick? I need to be clear here. I'm pretty much willing to do anything at this point. To try and salvage our marriage. So what do you want me to do?"_

 _"Run away with me Kate." He's totally serious._

 _"Well without me at first. I can't just up and leave, much as I would like. Perhaps if I hadn't mistakenly fled to Canada for a while, I might be more set. But I let my mother – who only had the best intentions – get to me and…"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"Yes?"_

 _"Rick, unlike when you proposed, I'm not conflicted, or perhaps even surprised."_

 _"I came here today, willing, desperate even, to have any chance of fixing us. Of repairing what I have broken. I take full responsibility for that. You fought for us for a long time. This is me fighting back." There is a hint of a smile on her face, and she wills herself to keep on topic, "No. Sorry. Fighting with you." He smiles again, this time deeper and there is teeth. "Argghh. Fighting alongside you. For us. For a future. So my answer is yes."_

 _She thinks that maybe for the first time today, he's the surprised one._

 _"I'll go see Gates tomorrow and tender my resignation. I have a two week notice period. How ready are you? You said it will take you some time. How long?"_

 _"Um. It will take me a bit longer than two weeks. I wasn't sure."_

 _She reaches with her fingers to touch his lips. Halt his confession. She wants to spare him the anguish of once again voicing his doubts. He surely has them but she doesn't want him to hurt himself anymore by admitting them unnecessarily. Especially for her. This actually might be a moment of epiphany. Why he was quiet all those times, especially in the early days and with the other men, especially Josh. He's such a good man. He'll stay quiet rather than knowingly inflict hurt or cause conflict for someone he loves. Not until pushed to breaking point, but he's done it for her plenty of times in the past. So it time for her to step up and be his equal._

 _"Rick I want you to have faith. I know it is going to take time. But this is my promise to you. With you or without you with me, my heart is yours. And yours alone."_

 _"Until we have a child."_

 _"Sorry what?!" Okay, he caught off guard again._

 _"A kid. Our child. I can tell you now that it is a promise you'll have to break. One I want you to break."_

 _"You want a kid, kids, with me Rick?"_

 _"Yes. Of course Kate." His gaze is so intense she can feel the desire radiating off him. "For the longest time. We've talked about it a few times but never in detail. I want to do that this time. Really talk about it."_

 _"Okay."_

 _"Remember what I said about making a new family. I want that. I want it all. With you. That includes making new life. I want to create a new family with you. It won't change how we love. Except maybe to make it better. All I ever wanted with Alexis was a partner to share everything with. Meredith baled in more ways than one and Gina well that was a mistake, twice."_

 _"You'd do that for me Rick?"_

 _"Of course. I'm totally in love with you Kate. I have been so long, and it has ruined me. Not just because I can't love any other woman. And for me, having more children, that is selfish too. I love being a dad. Of course Alexis is pretty much past the needy stage. But I'd do it all again if it could be with you."_

 _"At this stage of life when you could be independent with nothing to hold you back. We could travel the world together, no encumbrances?"_

 _I'll admit that it appeals on many levels. And we'll do a lot of that over the next year. At least I hope we will. But what I really want is a family with you Kate. God, you've faced enough tragedy and trauma in your life. I want happiness for you. For us. For us to build a home and fill with light, and laughter and love. We've earned that. You're still the most extraordinary person I've met. Not being a cop won't change that."_

 _"Rick. I'd be more than honored. I'd be some grateful that you could let me back in."_

 _"You we never out Kate. Not where it mattered to me. What I wanted was for it to matter to you. But I don't want you to be full of regrets."_

 _"It won't be Rick. Leaving the NYPD, Rick? It's been at the front of my mind for some time._

 _"I haven't being enjoying what I do. I've come to realize that I'm no captain. And I just want to be your wife. I thought we had lost that and pretty much any opportunity to fight for us. I thought whatever I could beg for in the NYPD would be it for me."_

 _"Oh Kate. Never."_

 _"So what do we do now?"_

 _"I want us to get away from New York. Anyway from anything that could interrupt us."_

 _"I think I know what you mean." She can't help smile at some of the memories. Rick own returns in kind._

 _"God, the number of times Esposito.."_

 _"or Ryan." She interjects._

 _"Yeah Ryan. Not sure which was worse. Ryan so clueless, and well Espo I think sometimes he did it knowingly. I would have kissed you that day. When I said you smelled of cherries."_

 _"I would have let you." She confesses. "Probably kissed you right back."_

 _He sighs and then reaches into his jacket emerging with a folded piece of paper._

 _He pushes the paper towards her._

 _"What's this?"_

 _"Our bucket list of destinations."_

 _Oh she remembers that. An evening in the Hamptons, wine, nibbles, a roaring fire and arguing back and forward for hours in between two bouts of lovemaking. A much happier time._

 _Places they both wanted. Places she wanted. Ones he wanted to go._

 _"A year Kate. I want us to give it a year."_

 _"A year?"_

 _"It will take me at least a month, maybe two months to finish up some things I need to do here. I hope it will be quicker. Then we'll meet up. But in the meantime I want you to make a start without me."_

 _He pushes his right hand through his hair, disrupting the already tussled locks. "I want you away from the temptations, the damn rabbit holes that you can't resist. I want to trust you Kate. I do. But you're an addict, and I want you to be better for us. To live a long and happy life. Instead you seemingly choose danger and misery._

 _"Rick…"_

 _"I haven't finished."_

 _His tone is sharp, and probably the most forceful he has spoken to her since the events leading to her hanging from a roof calling his name. She had promised him that she just wanted him. God she had broken that promise so many times. Not in the cheating sense since for both of them there was no other embodiment of their desire than each other, but in other equally significant ways._

 _"So I need you to choose. To leave. On your own at first. I will follow as soon as I can. And we'll fight for this." He's fingering his ring. She's wearing hers too. She hasn't taken it off since her return to New York. Never wants to take it off. But that's a decision they'll both need to be part of. To reach that point this is what she needs to commit to._

 _"After a year we'll make the call. Return home, perhaps not to New York. But back in the US. Hopefully starting our family."_

 _"So what do I do?"_

 _"Be my wife. Let us be a family. Have our happy ending. It's the way I'd write it for Nikki and Rook. It's the future I want for us."_

 _"God, I never thought I would ask this of anyone, let alone you. I'm not that guy. I respect woman and their choices and independence. But Kate for us to work, to have any chance, those are the choices I need you to make. I want you to make them. But…."_

 _Oh her heart breaks just that little more for him. And it's all her own doing._

 _"But if you decide you can't, then I will do my best to understand. I won't contest anything, nor lay blame, or" Her hand stops his lips. Fingers stilling his words before they tear her heart asunder any further._

 _"You don't have to Rick. You've always done your best. And my answer stands. Yes. I choose you. I choose us and I'll fight for that anyway I can." She can feel his relief, "But before we can seriously consider children we need to ensure that what I've broken can be healed and strong enough to last. I want us to both be certain before we add our children to the mix."_

 _"Okay. That's a good point." He grins. "You said 'children' Kate."_

 _"I know but don't get distracted by that just now."_

 _"You know me, how it will distract me, I'll fixate on that word. How long will it take? For us to know Kate?"_

 _"I don't know but I am willing to find out if you are Rick?"_

 _"Sign me up Kate." His hands grip hers. Committed. Their eyes steady on each other._

 _"But I will miss it though."_

 _"What? Miss what Rick?"_

 _"Calling you by your rank."_

 _"You did make 'Detective' sound sexy. "_

 _"I did. And I loved your last title."_

 _"Yeah well it turns out I wasn't much of a captain."_

 _"Don't care now. I have high hopes you'll make a great wife."_

 _"I really hope I can. I've got a hell of a lot to live up to."_

 _"I've got every faith in you Kate. I once called you extraordinary. I wasn't wrong. I want my partner in life back."_

 _"I need one thing from you Rick."_

 _"_ _Kate?"_

 _"This." She rises and leans across the table, their hands still joined, and her lips caress his, putting everything into the connection until they both need oxygen._

 _"I'm ready now. Let's do this."_

* * *

 **Author's Note**

Back in Chapter 5 – a couple of reviews wished there was more talking especially at the meeting that precipitated Kate's resignation from the NYPD and departure from New York. So here it is.

Thank you to all the readers and especially those who took time to review.

Back to 'One of Us'. I really want to focus on that and see how much progress I can make in concluding that tale.

[Update]

1\. Apologies for the typo's and errors in the first published version. I wrote a chunk of this whilst suffering from a high fever. Spell check does not beat/fix fried-brain. I think I fixed the majority/worst ones.

2\. Yes, it may not be a traditional epilogue in some ways, but there is plenty of information in there for the story to end for me.

3\. In this story Rick is asking Kate to commit to them and walk away from the sink-hole and danger of her job in law enforcement. What she does in the future is not addressed in this story (which has long overrun its original concept) other than not be a senator or seek out a legal profession. There are plenty of things Kate Rodgers can choose to do in the future with the support of her husband and family without being demeaned by seemingly becoming the 'little woman'. She has a toddler and is pregnant with her second child, even with the active support of a great partner, that's a big load. One she will want to deal with first-hand and not buy in help. I can see her having many options for personal fulfillment, especially once the children have both reached school age - but that is not for this story. Hell, maybe she was the proof-reader for Rick's latest works anyway.

4\. Elements of the dialog and plot may have been aimed at refutting/mocking part of the Season 8's so-called 'change-up' plot. Just in case you missed it.


End file.
